Saturday, March 19, 2011
Personal Ramblings on a Saturday morning....
On Wednesday the temperature was in the high 60s and I thought it would be a good day to start this new routine. I set out on my first walk - but the traffic was bad and waiting for the crosswalk seemed to take forever, so I went a different route. On Thursday the temperature had risen to nearly 80 degrees; I felt adventurous and went a totally different direction. Yesterday was too busy to take a walk (or at least that is what I told myself). Today is the first day that I actually took the walk with the expressed destination. the temperature was far from ideal, however: 40 degrees with a wind of at least 20 mile per hour. I was fighting it the whole way. But I was determined.
So here I am, sitting with my skinny cinnamon dolce latte, writing a blog post about my spring break - such as it was. I will warn you in advance - this is nothing but a bunch of rambling thoughts and probably not of much interest to anyone.
And speaking of Mom....while in the quilt shop I received a phone call from the hospice nurse. She relayed Mom's vital signs and said a number of other disconcerting things. Finally I asked her if "eminent" would be an appropriate word. She said that it would be a very good word to use. Ok - so my plan goes into motion. I email all pertinent parties, and I go to visit Mom for what I think might be the last time.
On Tuesday I visited her again for what I thought would be the last time. On Wednesday the hospice nurse said that she must be holding on for some reason - for some unfinished business. Could I ask everyone to call Mom and say their final good-bye. So on Wednesday night another email is sent.
On Wednesday night I wrote Mom a 3 page letter because....well....I tend to say things better in writing than I do in person. On Thursday I read Mom the letter. By Thursday afternoon all pertinent parties had called and spoken with her one last time.
On Friday I visited Mom and the hospice nurse came to check her out. She told me that any breath could be her last. I stayed and read Mom scripture after scripture. Finally I said good-bye - thinking that it was for the last time. I waited on pins and needles all night for the phone to ring.
And now I sit here in Starbucks preparing to go see Mom again "for the last time" - but fully expecting to see her tomorrow as well. I am mentally and physically exhausted and I must be prepared to teach the hardest two months of the year starting Monday. Spring break was anything but rejuvenating. My new mantra has now become: May 23 --- May 23 --- May 23. By that date I will lose a mother - become a grandmother - have my youngest graduate high school - and then I can collapse!
I hope that in this season of spring breaks you are all experiencing warmer weather, budding flowers, and renewal of spirits.