Personal Ramblings on a Saturday morning....

I am sitting in Starbucks writing this post trying to make good on a promise that I made to myself over two weeks ago.  In short, I know that I need to exercise and walking is my preferred form.  I know that I want to write more, but I find that I am too distracted at home.  So, I want to try to combine the two into one (hopefully) manageable routine.  There is a Starbucks exactly 1.1 miles from my home.  My plan is to walk there - have a cup of coffee and do some writing or brainstorming or journaling - and then walk the 1.1 miles home.  In addition, I thought during this Lenten season I would use this time to listen to praise and worship music, rather than my usual Coldplay.  My drive for efficiency is in high gear - can you tell?!

On Wednesday the temperature was in the high 60s and I thought it would be a good day to start this new routine.  I set out on my first walk - but the traffic was bad and waiting for the crosswalk seemed to take forever, so I went a different route.  On Thursday the temperature had risen to nearly 80 degrees; I felt adventurous and went a totally different direction.  Yesterday was too busy to take a walk (or at least that is what I told myself).  Today is the first day that I actually took the walk with the expressed destination.  the temperature was far from ideal, however:  40 degrees with a wind of at least 20 mile per hour.  I was fighting it the whole way.  But I was determined.

So here I am, sitting with my skinny cinnamon dolce latte, writing a blog post about my spring break - such as it was.  I will warn you in advance - this is nothing but a bunch of rambling thoughts and probably not of much interest to anyone.

On Monday I went to a quilt store with a friend.  Since I had done so well with my Bitty Baby quilt, I thought I might like to try something bigger.  And I did.  I am now in the midst of trying to quilt a 50x50 throw for the baby to lay on.  I have cut out all the fabric (a little scary - and time consuming) and have actually pieced 4 of the 25 blocks.  I am rolling along - ha!  I am doing the piecing by hand - mostly because I am afraid of the sewing machine, but also because hand piecing is portable and I can take it with me anywhere.  I do plan to put the entire quilt together on my mother's machine, but that is probably a few months (years....) away.

And speaking of Mom....while in the quilt shop I received a phone call from the hospice nurse.  She relayed Mom's vital signs and said a number of other disconcerting things.  Finally I asked her if "eminent" would be an appropriate word.  She said that it would be a very good word to use.  Ok - so my plan goes into motion. I email all pertinent parties, and I go to visit Mom for what I think might be the last time.

On Tuesday I visited her again for what I thought would be the last time.  On Wednesday the hospice nurse said that she must be holding on for some reason - for some unfinished business.  Could I ask everyone to call Mom and say their final good-bye.  So on Wednesday night another email is sent.

On Wednesday night I wrote Mom a 3 page letter because....well....I tend to say things better in writing than I do in person.  On Thursday I read Mom the letter.  By Thursday afternoon all pertinent parties had called and spoken with her one last time.

On Friday I visited Mom and the hospice nurse came to check her out. She told me that any breath could be her last.  I stayed and read Mom scripture after scripture.  Finally I said good-bye - thinking that it was for the last time.  I waited on pins and needles all night for the phone to ring.

And now I sit here in Starbucks preparing to go see Mom again "for the last time" - but fully expecting to see her tomorrow as well.  I am mentally and physically exhausted and I must be prepared to teach the hardest two months of the year starting Monday.  Spring break was anything but rejuvenating.  My new mantra has now become:  May 23 --- May 23 --- May 23.  By that date I will lose a mother - become a grandmother - have my youngest graduate high school - and then I can collapse!

On another note....I had my first art class this week!  I have been attracted to mixed media art for quite sometime and a friend of mine has offered to help me learn how to express myself in a new way.  We met for about two hours on Monday night - talking a lot and instructing a little.  She has an idea for me to try to do a series of four paintings:  Molly the daughter - Molly the mother - Molly the grandmother - and Molly the person. My "portfolio" will be a 12x12 scrapbook - which I will fill with 12x12 trimmed Artist paper.  This will allow me to create a fairly large project that can be shown to others, or kept private (somehow canvas paintings on a wall are far too public for me).  I have already found the pad of paper - I plan to use a Michael's coupon this week to find the scrapbook - and I have started collecting memorabilia, photographs, and iconography to use for each of the paintings.  I probably can't start the actual projects until after the magic May 23 date -- but I can collect, brainstorm, and reflect a lot between now and then.

I hope that in this season of spring breaks you are all experiencing warmer weather, budding flowers, and renewal of spirits.