Sunday, February 26, 2012

Thank you...

It is my sincere hope to express my personal gratitude to each and every one of you who took the time to comment on my previous post.  Your outpouring of compassion and empathy has touched me in a way that I never expected from an "impersonal" online community.

As a very brief possible explanation for the rather depressing post....I had been given a prescription for an anti-anxiety medication to help me face the oral surgery that I had on Tuesday.  I have a true phobia of dentists and I consider myself quite fortunate to have found one who cares as much about my mental well-being as his pocketbook.  However I do wonder whether these drugs contributed to my Debbie Downer Thursday.  I, who never take anything stronger than Excedrin (and only after I have dealt with migraine pain for over four hours) might have experienced a bodily rebellion of this foreign substance in my bloodstream.  Anyway...I don't pretend to think that the issues that bothered me on Thursday are no longer a bother....but hopefully I have managed to put them into better perspective.

But today as I was reading through some photography books and experimenting with Photoshop Elements (which I feel I will never master) I was hit with another revelation, so to speak.  Bear with me.....

On Thursday I was struck with the overwhelming need to write about my emotions.  Not that I thought anyone cared nor that I expected any response - but I needed to write for me.

Lately I have felt the desire to learn photography.  Not because I am seeking another career late-in-life nor that I feel I have any real talent in this area, but I have needed to learn how to slow down and view life around me through a 2.5 inch screen.  And in doing that I have learned that a slight movement in perspective totally changes the image.  What is cluttered in one picture will become a thing of beauty in another.  I am learning that joy in life is entirely up to me -- how I choose to view it.  And if I don't like the view, then it only requires a slight move here or there to change my mental outlook.

And so here is the revelation of this Sunday afternoon in February.  Both writing and photography are creative ways that I can express myself.  I have kept myself bottled up for so long.  I'm not sure why -- but I have not allowed myself to share my inner thoughts or feelings with anyone.  And I guess after two plus decades of being moot, I now desire to find my voice.

Now for an impatient person such as myself, it is rather frustrating that I cannot write nor take pictures to my own satisfaction right out of the shoot -- but I am also learning that some things do not have to be rushed.  Just because I am over 50 does not mean that I have only months left (I have no idea where that thinking has come from).....but the cool thing is that being over 50 means I have more free time than I ever have in the past.  And I plan to use that free time to its fullest!

So thank you....for taking the time to let me know that the past few months have been stressful and I do need to cut myself a break.  Thank you for reassuring me that my love of reading will return.  Thank you for letting me know that I am not past my prime - and there is plenty of good life ahead.  But most importantly, thank you for listening - and reading - and relating to my feeble attempt to find my voice.

13 comments:

bermudaonion said...

I'm glad you're feeling somewhat better. You do have plenty of life ahead of you to learn and discover.

bibliophiliac said...

I know exactly what you mean about your desire to explore photography (to slow down and look). Drawing does this for me. I used to paint, and one day I am going to open up my paint box again. In the meantime, stopping and looking (and drawing what I see) is like a meditation-and quickly lifts my mood. I love the fact that you are so open to learning new things-essential to enjoying life, I think!

JoAnn said...

I'm glad things look better today :-)

LindyLouMac in Italy said...

Good to hear you are feeling better. I have also developed a love of photography in recent years, hence the photography blog!

lifeonthecutoff said...

I somehow missed your last post, Molly, and am sorry to read of your distress. We all go through and we get through it. You will as well. Grief takes take and goes through many forms.

When my mom passed away, I felt a bit like an orphan. My dad had been dead for many years, but, my mom was always there. I think when we lose our last parent, it puts us in a different place in life and it takes a while to get used to it. Blessings to you.

What a wonderful time to develop your photography skills, especially with a grandchild. What fun you will continue to have.

Alyce said...

I'm glad that you're feeling better Molly! I do think that body chemistry changes for whatever reason can cause our thinking to change drastically, and you're right, it doesn't mean that those issues aren't real, but in those times everything is amplified.

I'm also glad to hear that you have such an understanding dentist. One of my sons has to take a child's dose of valium before any kind of dental work other than cleanings. Having an understanding dentist has made a world of difference.

Tami said...

The many stages of life, and our roles within each stage, are a complicated thing to deal with. I'm not at all sure I care for parenting adult children. And while I love the grandsons, the whole idea of being Grandma gets me down at times. I am blessed to still have healthy parents, but my role with them is evolving also. And we are coping (sometimes poorly) with Dave's mother's advancing Alzhymer's.

My point is that each stage has it's benefits and I think you can, and should, use your incredible talents for writing and photography to express those changes. Creativity is a wonderful way of coping.

Staci said...

You are so worthy of so many things!!! Open your arms and accept that and fly!!!

Do you like to scrapbook? if so, you should check out Becky Higgins blog where she's been changing the whole concept of scrapping with Project Life. I know for me it has been a huge relief and I love the freedom it has allowed me. I thought of you just now and could see you utilizing her easy pages and your photos....your own scrapbook where you can document your photos and your journaling!! Here's a linkhttp://www.beckyhiggins.com/

Susan said...

*hug* I'm glad you are finding a perspective to help you through this. I like how you put photography in with writing, as a way to express yourself, as well as to see the world. I use my daily journal for this - it's invaluable for me to see how I'm really feeling and thinking. I like how you show that a tiny shift can change everything.

Most of all, you're welcome, Molly. It is weird, isn't it, how something as remote as online, can still bring feeling across it?

Liz said...

I love that you're finding your voice! I always enjoy hearing it:)

Kathleen said...

You have much more to look forward to. I just reviewed a book on my blog that speaks to the midlife transition that some of us are muddling through. It's worth checking out if you are interested. I'll keep you in my prayers and look forward to seeing your photographs and hearing about your reading when you feel like blogging about it.

Kim said...

Hugs to you Molly--I missed your last post,and now after reading it, I just need to say that if there is anything I am learing in my "life over 50" is that being a wife, mom, sister, daughter,and grandma does not necessarily get easier-in fact, right now, I am feeling like a failure as a mom to adult children--to one inparticular who is going through a really hard time. But then I tell myself I need to gain some perspective and give myself a break, as you do! Seasons if life changes are just plain hard.
I hope all is well now, and you have been exploring your love of photography and expressing you voice, every single day.
*smiles*

Book Dragon said...

{hugs}

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